Should I Retire? Yes, no or maybe…

Should I Retire?

     My patients are beginning to ask me if I’m planning on retiring. The first few times I was surprised, and mildly insulted as I didn’t think that I looked that old. I wrote the questions off to their poor eyesight. I am,  after all, an eye doctor, but that doesn’t speak well to my skill or success with their vision problems. As the questions kept coming I began to ponder about retirement, and with my curious nature began to read and listen to lots of sources. I see lots of retired people every day so I’ve begun to ask about their experiences. Unfortunately most retirement discussion pieces focus almost exclusively on the financial aspects of the decision; usually written by a financial services/investment group who are eagerly happy to help. This piece is not about money. It’s about the mental, emotional, and physical well being elements of the decision process. 

     Perhaps the most profound influence on the decision process is the mentoring, and role modeling that our own parents provide. Mine provide a stark contrast in decision making and outcomes. Trigger warning here - the next part gets a little dark. My mother never liked her professional life much. She was a middle level manager at a public institution. Always frustrated with bureaucracy, staff issues, budget problems, she became burned out and exhausted. She eagerly took an early retirement package. She had no friends outside of work, no hobbies to keep her occupied, and no real plan for retirement success. As a result she sat in a recliner, smoked cigarettes, became severely depressed and committed suicide. Sometimes we learn the most from negative outcomes, learn what not to do by example. My father was the opposite. He was a college professor who worked a slowly decreasing schedule into his 70s. He kept up a close friend group, remained curious, stayed as physically active as possible, and wrote a book in his 80s. I loved them both, but they clearly forged different paths into the frothy unknowns of retirement and their influences on me are profound to this day. There are many factors to consider in the decision process, and I hope this discussion helps you sort through some of your own key issues. 

     How much do you like your work and career? The internet is littered with FIRE ( Financial Independence Retire Early) posts , blogs and devotees. These folks work hard, save fiercely, and manage expenses aggressively in order to have the luxury of deciding whether to retire early. If you are truly miserable at work, if it’s ruining your health and emotional well being, then by all means get out as soon as you can. Find a different job or retire at age 30. Change your trajectory. Too often we’re scared of the change so we persist. We’re afraid to ask for what we want. Want to get off work each day at 3 to spend time with the kids, get an extra vacation week, or move to a different cubicle away from the work jerk? Just ask. You may get told no, however the answer might surprise you. Good employers will make good employees happy in order to retain them. The opposite can be true for many of us. We love our jobs, find fulfillment in the work, and identify strongly personally with our professional role. Should these folks work till they drop?

The answer for both situations is … maybe, so let’s examine some factors that may help to clarify the right decision for you.

     One of the most important factors governing happiness with aging is physical health. If you’re sick all the time, having surgeries and doctor visits becomes your unenviable social schedule. Now some health problems are unfortunately unpreventable , but many can be avoided or controlled through lifestyle choices. Will retirement reduce your stress level enough to improve your health? Will it give you more time to prepare more healthy meals, exercise more, or sleep better? For most, the answer is that more time allows us to focus more effort on our health, but can you make the time now and still continue your career? If you have the time will you use it wisely to improve your health and happiness? Answering these questions will help to begin the decision process. 

     Most of us spend most of our waking hours at work. As a result, most of our social interactions, contacts, and many of our friends are intertwined with our jobs. Another key ingredient to successful aging is maintaining friendships or making new connections that provide warmth and meaning to our lives. If you retire will you lose your friend group? Will you have more time to spend on finding new friends, or strengthening the bonds with old friends? Spending more time with family is often cited as a reason to retire, but this is only true to a certain point. I can’t tell you the number of women patients that have told me that they hated their husband’s retirement because now they were together all the time. Too much of a good thing, or absence makes the heart grow fonder ring true for many. Getting out of the house, out into the world helps us with social connections that are so vital to successful aging. Will retirement help or hurt your social life? 

     I work largely with 70-90+ year olds on a daily basis. In this group there is a wide range of mental “sharpness “. Some patients have a great memory, thought patterns, and decision making abilities. Others not so much. Unfortunately some slide into dementia. It is my casual observation after interacting with so many that the ones that are mentally strong work their brain on a regular basis. Some have hobbies, interests, or friend groups that challenge or stimulate thought. Many of the sharpest people continue to work into their 80s and even 90s. Now I admit this may be a selection bias on my part. In other words sharpness may allow people to work longer as opposed to working longer keeps folks sharp. Nevertheless , there seems to be a clear association between work and mental strength for many of us. How will you exercise your brain if you retire? Will retirement from a mundane, thoughtless job give you more bandwidth to explore your curiosity?

     Is your identity significantly tied to your work and career? If asked “who are you?” , how do you define yourself? Which identifier comes to mind first, your work persona or some other facet of what makes you you? For many of us this is a sticky wicket. If you’ve been in the same career for 30 years, it may be very hard to see yourself through a different lens or in a different role. At some point you’re no longer a nurse or accountant, but rather a pickle ball phenom or mahjong expert. I strongly suggest that you visualize different future versions of you ahead of time. Mentally try on different roles, personas, and identities to see which ones fit you the best. You’ve got to be comfortable in any new identity in order to flourish going forward.

     We often hear the phrase that you need to retire to something, that you need to plan how you’ll spend the time. For me personally, this remains my biggest area of concern. I have so many interests, activities and plans outside of work, but I’m not sure they’ll fill the time in a rewarding fashion that will help me flourish. We may love to fish, golf, read or play with the grandkids but these activities that seem so wonderful with time limits can become rote and tedious when  applied in large doses. Eudaimonia emphasizes the importance of continued growth and living a life in service to your purpose. Are the new activities of retirement enough to lead to the virtuous life and fulfillment ? If you’ve got a solid plan for rewarding retirement activities then plough ahead. If the answer is maybe, as it is for most of us, then there may be an alternative pathway towards retirement.

     The middle path may be the answer. If asked a question, the possible answers are yes, no, or maybe. For this discussion, “ should I retire?”, the two ends of the spectrum are easy decisions. I’m outta here for some, for others “I’ll work till I die “ because they love their careers. Both are fine choices if your thought process leads you there. For most of us there is a great deal of angst and trepidation in the decision. We vacillate back and forth on a daily basis as life and new influences shape our thoughts. For the maybe crowd there may be a third path. Work less. Can you work half time, quit and get a part time job, or start a new job that involves less commitment? Working less hours or less intensely can give you time to work on your health, relationships, and to develop new hobbies and interests that are meaningful to you. You can still have the satisfaction, identity and connections of a job while using the extra time to get comfortable with the transition. Working even part time helps maintain some reduced income which makes the financial part of retirement easier to plan. No decision is set in stone. If you decide to quit initially, you can always go back to work in a year. So you took a long vacation or sabbatical and you didn’t like it? Fine, it’s ok to change your mind. If you decide to work, factors may change that make retirement much more appealing. For many of us, maybe is the best path. 

    This is a big, hairy question to grapple with. Hopefully this piece will help provide a framework for your own thought experiment. Yes, no , or maybe?