I’ve got news for you. Your kids and family don’t want your stuff; the fine china, stamp collection, Hummel figurines, and 10,000 book library mean a lot to you, not to them. They’re right too. Happiness research finds time after time that experiences and relationships increase happiness while buying and owning things decreases happiness. This is not a new idea. Margareta Magnuson popularized Swedish death cleaning ( dostadning) years ago, but I think you’ll find the topic is more important now than ever.

     Younger generations are adopting minimalism and simple living with gusto.They live in smaller spaces, rent , and work remotely. They find more fulfillment in experiences than in owning stuff. They don’t throw grand dinner parties that call for fine china, silver, and crystal. In general, younger adults are too busy with kids, evolving jobs, and activities of daily living to deal with, much less cherish, your stuff. It sounds a bit harsh, the kids all alright, they’ve just got different tastes and interests than us.

     Talk to anyone who has cleaned out the family house or apartment after the passing of a parent. People literally spend days and weeks dealing with mountains of stuff. If you’ve done it, I’m sure you hated the job. Why on earth would you subject your kids and family to the same misery? Think about it from their perspective. Don’t leave a mountain for them to clear when they’re stressed out and emotional following your passing.

  OK, I assume I’ve got you intrigued now. How does one proceed?

To start, take a look at your stuff, maybe create an inventory. Be as detailed as you want with the list. Next, ask the kids, and family what they want from the list. You need make sure that they know that they can speak freely without hurting your feelings in order for them not to feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, or intimidated by the process. If they want something, speak up, or out it goes. When my father in law died recently my wife kept a few small items that held precious memories for her. A small grocery bag was sufficient. Let the family decide what’s important to them and go from there. 

Don’t tarry! Do this now, when you’re young and energetic enough to dig through boxes and do the work. Consider having a spouse, child, or family help in the process. It can bring back nice memories for you both, and may make decisions easier. As a quick aside, in many cases the kids don’t want the family house either. It’s probably not their preferred style and it’s hard to split among siblings without creating tension. Consider selling the house and splitting or spending the proceeds then downsizing to a more manageable apartment. Oddly enough minimalist aging bestows benefits on you too.

     Paring down allows you to focus on what’s truly most important to you. Instead of hours spent dusting figurines, or rearranging stamps each week, you could go to lunch with a friend, exercise, or write a heartfelt letter. It will reduce your stress to live in a clean, neat, and tidy space without all the clutter. Owning less stuff leads to lower costs for maintaining and storing your stuff. Clearing out storage rooms can save you a lot of money. My friend recently disclosed that she’s been paying $250/mo for over 10 years for a storage room. That’s $30,000 in rent! Worse yet she doesn’t even remember what’s in the storage unit. Leads me to believe it was nothing too dear, or important. You’ll have extra money to live on, spend on experiences, or give away to loved ones or charities. A great way to connect with loved ones is to give things to them while you’re still living so that you can observe them enjoying it. As an alternative you can sell the stuff and give them the money. I’ll be willing to bet that in most cases, if asked to be truthful, the kids and family want the cash. They’ll probably spend it trekking in Peru, or on cooking classes. We elders have more free time to tackle these tasks; so here’s a few pearls to help you in the process.

     Sentimentality runs against minimalism. As a minimalist you’ll have more time, energy and bandwidth to create new experiences, memories, and relationships which have all been proven to generate more happiness than things. Because we’re all sentimental to some degree you’ll have to keep a few most precious possessions. I suggest that you write a notecard for each item that you keep detailing why it’s of great importance. What is the story behind the keepsake or heirloom? The ugly shot glass might not mean much until the story of how you bought it on the Champs Elysees during your honeymoon comes to light. I have several deer mounts from my prior deer hunting days. Affixed to the back of each is the place, who I was with, and the story of the hunt. Another trick to consider is to save only a small piece of a collection. Pick a single teacup from a set, or the most precious Hummel. When my father died I kept only the hood from the academic regalia that he wore each year as the Marshall at the graduation ceremony for my Alma mater. Simple, small, meaningful, with a great story. Try to limit these truly special items to one box. For photos and films, I strongly suggest digitizing them to preserve them from degradation and save space from storing bulky albums, binders, and boxes. You get the originals back after scanning so you can always keep 1 or 2 truly great photos if you must.

     Minimalist living espouses buying less, owning less, and living with less. Minimalist aging eases life’s transitions. If you must move to be closer to family or to independent or assisted living, having a minimalist mindset will greatly simplify the move. You’ll have more space in a small apartment, and much less to worry about. 

  If I’ve convinced you, I leave you with this. Do it now! Start today and keep after it. These pearls will help you on your journey towards a less stressed , more content life.