Do Hard Things
The reason to do hard things is so that when non-self elected challenges arrive ( and they will), you can tell yourself: “I don’t know how this is all going to turn out, but I am certain I can do hard things “
Andrew Huberman PhD
As I write this it’s early Saturday morning in Dallas and I’m preparing to shoot in the 2024 US Helice championships. For those non-shooters, think of clay bird shooting , then attach a propeller to a flying target to make it fly in every crazy direction. It’s a new sport to me. I’m a rank amateur. Learning has been a steep uphill climb fraught with failures, and missteps, and I love it. I love meeting new people, learning new techniques, and constantly trying to improve. Trying something hard, with a high likelihood of failure, really spurs me to grow. As Huberman points out, doing hard things builds a resilience to aid in our dealing with challenges. As we age, we will be presented with a multitude of challenges both mental and physical. A deeper well of experience is our best defense to draw on during difficult times. Today I’m going to miss a lot of targets, but some I’ll break, and those will be deliciously satisfying.
This is all about personal growth. Lifelong learning forced by encountering new problems and developing solutions builds a reserve of self confidence and resilience that you can call on in the future. It can help to overcome fear and self doubt, as well as aid in our ability to take on new, difficult tasks. You won’t grow unless you’re uncomfortable. Being comfortable means you’ve stopped growing.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts “
Winston Churchill
So how does one go about doing hard things? The start is a matter for discussion. Some advise simply jumping into the deep end. To quote Ben Horowitz “ if you’re going to eat shit, don’t nibble”. This can be overwhelming and lead to catastrophic failure and withdrawal from or avoidance of future challenges. A better way may be to start in incremental fashion. Start with a small step and slowly ramp up the difficulty. A classic example is the increasingly popular activity of cold showers. Cold exposure increases dopamine levels for hours after the event and shows us that we can endure discomfort. Interestingly, full cold for 1-2 minutes with a good shiver afterwards is enough to get the benefits. We don’t need a full icy shower experience for 10 minutes or longer. Start with a small discomfort and slowly increase the challenge. If you do the sucky thing, then the things that come after will seem less sucky. If it becomes easy then it’s no longer stimulating growth.
One of the key tenets of successful aging is maintaining interpersonal relationships. This can be one of the hardest challenges associated with aging. Both making new friends and keeping existing ones can be extremely difficult, but the reward of the risk and effort are tremendous. You need to have someone who you can call when something goes incredibly wrong. The average adult has 5 close relationships. This is a big topic that we’ll cover in future posts, but for now I’ll emphasize the importance of working on relationships as one of hardest, and most important challenges to address.
Stoic philosophy argues that we can only affect what is directly in our control. Hard things will still be hard, but you can change your attitude towards them. Examine your response to the struggle and control your internal environment. Living a virtuous life is a main stoic goal. Ask yourself what would a courageous person do? How would the coward behave? Choose the virtuous path. If it’s hard it will help you grow.
When you’re talking to your grandchildren, have a good story to tell. Old people tend to be boring to the kids. Wouldn’t you rather captivate them with stories of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or learning Chinese. Beats sitting on the couch watching TV for generating captivating stories. Be curious. Get out and try something. Even better try something where you’ll probably fail. Some of my best stories revolve around epic failures. These are the ones that build a rich tapestry of identity.
Don’t be afraid of failure.
“All effort - even failed effort - produces muscle.”
Alex Harris
Lean into discomfort and distress for it is through dealing with hardship that we learn to overcome fear and self doubt. If you’re assured of winning, the quest is too easy. Ramp up the pressure. Find something harder to attempt. Now I’m not suggesting that you haphazardly put your health and wellbeing at risk here. Simply find something that truly challenges you. There’s beauty in the struggle, and personal growth is the reward rather than some finite goal to achieve.
So maybe I’ve convinced you by now. Where to start? I’ll give you a few ideas here, but honestly the quest is too personal for me to choose for you. What are you curious about? What sparks your imagination? What would you be most proud to accomplish? Here are a few ideas for your consideration:
Wake up early. Get up and get going. Do something
Exercise. I’ll leave it up to you to define a hard challenge. For some it might mean simply getting up from the couch, while for others it might mean walking the Appalachian Trail.
Meet someone new. I can’t overemphasize the importance of personal connections with successful aging. This can be hard and scary to put yourself out there with people. The benefits far outweigh the risks on this one.
Eat vegetables. Don’t laugh. This can be a truly hard task for many folks.
Turn off the TV. I understand that TV watching can be quite enjoyable, but it does not lead to growth. Instead read a book with ideas that stimulate you to think. Agree or disagree, but ponder the author's position.
Refuse to complain. Nobody likes a whiner. This is a damn hard one, but highly worth the effort.
Limit or quit social media. This addiction is hard to quit, but the data all show that social media is making us miserable. A hard quest that improves your mental well being?
Doing hard things fits in well with several of my previous post’s topics. First off, curiosity is important and necessary to identify areas of interest that you may wish to explore. Do some research. Talk to people. Try to find a hard thing that interests you. Eudaimonia focuses on the path, not the goal. One of the key ideas in trying hard things is the fact that failure is likely. Focus on the improvements in your life that come from the struggle rather than focusing on some end goal. Similarly stoicism calls on us to lead a virtuous life. We cannot control what is outside us. Choosing to do hard things that spur us towards personal growth while being unfazed by external outcomes can be a key step towards successful aging. So now I’ll pick up my gun and head to the ring. I’ll miss many targets today; but some I’ll break, and those will be deliciously rewarding.